Sweet children o' mine*
I've been away for a while. It was for the best. It gave me time to rethink some things. I attended some school's functions in the past couple of days, and during the functions, I thought about all the possibilities. And I wonder if there's purpose. I know it's something I want to do with my life, to teach around and make things up and get paid for it. It just seems like the logical and obvious thing to do. But I wonder what's the reason behind it. I wondered what kind of relationship does teaching have with my life and why I'm so into it. Hmm* god * damn* I just can't get a good answer! so damned.For nineteen years of my who-cares life, I've liked art and I enjoyed it. I praticed it every time when I was in the mood for it and when I was TOO free. And I have to say, to some extent, I was good at art. [LOL! i heard boo-s all the way] I made it my passion. But then I discovered something. And from there, I discovered another some-thing. And what I had thought was my life and my passion had suddenly changed and shifted to something else. So I would like to teach
, instead, because it was something new and exciting, and it took guts to switch over so suddenly. [I have guts huh?] I thought teaching would be a good escape from life, albeit a temporary escape.
And then after doing some serious thinking and reflecting, I came to the conclusion that teaching to me, isn't about escape, but rather, it's about exploration. It's about the exploration of life. It's a way to find a sense of truth and justice and control and answers. And that's exactly it. Life hands out questions -- sometimes more than I can bear -- but it never hands out answers. There are no equations, no formulae to get answers in life, like you can in maths. [and I'm so sick of maths! duh.] Teaching is my attempt in making sense of the world and myself. To use my mind in fresh and experimental ways, to flex my emotions and add depth and colours to my days and nights [The boy-boys and girls-girls were so damn CUTE! omg. And they had tonnes of silly but damn-they're-cute stories to share with me -- a LAO SHI (老师). A teacher. They called me teacher! oh god. I love all the standard one-s]. WELL. I think now's a good time to figure out who I am. And who I wanted to be.
To me, TEACHING is to fill my appetite of the profound human need to grasp the patterns of living. I've been excited but the end of the day, a bad NEWS. Real bad. I'm so confused. I need to make a decision and the worst --
I HAVE TO CHOOSE! * urgh! *
P.S. - Who wants to get sick with me? [For those who don't know, check the MODERN dictionary and you'll find the hidden meaning] and truely, I've been feeling sick for a week -- flu, sorethrout, cough, fever -- I don't know what's wrong and I hope to know it but at the same time, I don't want to know. lol. [in case it's some sort o' serious decease] =) *
posted by *Ke/\/!x* at
9:12 PM
1 Rose(s):
hey ... its been so long since i chatted with you .. gimme you hp number laaa ...
By
jKeeKu, at
1:25 AM
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